Let's Get It: Fantasy Football Motivation 2010

The magazines are just about shredded from flipping them from cover to cover in search of my perfect running back. My fingers might have developed some new type of carpal tunnel syndrome after hours spent typing away online weeding through quarterbacks. My dome piece is pounding from racking my brain about whether to take two RBs first or a RB and a WR. All of this pain for what, you may ask? It’s all for the glory and bragging rights among my fellow office brethren.

Fantasy football is here.

Yes, I may be a fierce sports aficionado and makeup artist at night but 40 long hours a week I spend selling my soul to Corporate America. Luckily one thing all of us office drones have in common though, is our love of the pigskin. Good old American football.

My league is small being that there are only 6 souls brave enough to risk their sports knowledge reputation and $20 entry fee to hopefully come out on top of the dog pile at the end of the season. I’m the lone female in my league and I’m going to do my best to represent for the fairer gender and tonight the games begin.

After work today we’ll indulge in a few adult beverages at happy hour and do some final last minute draft strategizing for a couple hours. And yes, it’s that serious. 6:30 P.M. kicks off our live fantasy draft in one of our conference rooms that are supposed to be used for actual work instead of fantasy football. Because our league is so small, (we’re the only normal people in the office who actually enjoy normal things such as football), we’re having double the amount of players as a normal league. 30 players per team. Let me reiterate. 30 PLAYERS PER TEAM. Can we say epic?

I’ll be picking with the 6th and 7th picks as we do the usual snake formation for drafting. I’m looking at taking two RBs in a row or a RB and a WR with my first two picks. Based on my draft position I’m thinking about trying to land Frank Gore and Andre Johnson. I might piggyback Johnson with Matt Schaub if I can snag him in a later round as well.

Unfortunately I likely won’t be picking too many of my beloved New York Giants this draft and I’m strongly considering taking the Cowboys’ defense. That was painful to type. We’ll see what this fantasy season has for the Manningham and Cheese team.

GAME ON.

The Rebuilding of New Orleans and the Rebirth of the New Orleans Saints

My family is from New Orleans. I have strong New Orleans roots and the spirit of New Orleans runs through my veins. I visit my family there every year and I never want to leave. New Orleans is the type of place that is so alive with its food, culture, and people it almost feels like it's its own buzzing organism.

Then the storm came. Hurricane Katrina barreled through the Gulf, leaving nothing but death and destruction in her wake. At this time five years ago my father and I were frantically calling my grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins in New Orleans trying to get answers as to if they had lost their homes, possessions, or even their lives. Fortunately for my family almost everyone escaped the storm unscathed, except for my uncle who lost his entire home as it was washed away by the Mississippi River.

Five years later New Orleans is still rebuilding, and the one constant source of happiness and hope this city has had during this time of turmoil has been the New Orleans Saints. Yes, the Hornets are also loved in the Bayou but as you know and I know there is nothing like the passion for football in the South.

The Saints have almost always been a source of heartache for the New Orleans faithful with the exception of its savior Archie Manning back in the 70's. Enter Drew Brees. When Brees joined the Saints after leaving the San Diego Chargers in 2006 he not only rejuvenated the Saints offense, but the entire city. Brees' spot on passes and leadership on the field helped the Saints gain confidence and eventually to a nearly perfect season last year ending with a Superbowl win. To make things even more lively, the championship coincided with Mardi Gras in February. You know Bourbon Street was rockin' for weeks. If anyone can lead this team into glory, it's Brees. The man is so loved in New Orleans, the people practically revere him. My auntie even gave her new puppy a very special name... Drew Brees.

Saints fans say Brees and his soldiers can do it again this year. Another magical season. Another championship. Another glimmer of hope for the people of New Orleans.

The Opposite Sex 101: Actions > Words

Our mothers have always seemed to tell us "Actions speak louder than words" and you know what? No truer words have ever been spoken. We always seem to have to consciously remind ourselves of this seemingly obvious fact of life though.

When it comes to romantic relationships we have a far easier time turning a blind eye when our object of affection is talking a big game but isn't living up to expectations. How many times have we bought dreams from sellers who are full of more lies than a used car salesman?

"Yeah baby you know all I wanna do is be with you." Meanwhile you've called them and they haven't responded in two days.

"I'm gonna start making more time for you soon. I've just been really busy lately". Meanwhile they stay tweeting like it's their full-time job.

"I'm gonna come see you really soon when I get some time". Meanwhile the last time you saw them Antonio Cromartie didn't have any kids yet.

Let's all say it together: Come. On. Son.

Anyone can say anything to anybody at anytime. But most of these people will do absolutely nothing to back up their claims. If someone is into you, they'll show it. They'll call, make time to spend with you, care about things that are important to you, and make sure that you know you're important to them.

If someone says they're "busy" as an excuse as to why they've been M.I.A. from your life for days on end but they allegedly really care about you, they might as well clock out now. President Obama isn't too busy to make time for Michelle so you know them with their little 9-5 job and nightly ESPN viewing isn't too busy to send you a text or give you a call.

Don't listen to what anyone says. Watch what they do. Their actions will speak volumes about just how interested they really are.

"Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the NY Jets" Review - Part Two

*SPOILER ALERT* Don't read if you don't want to know what happened in this week's episode.

Sorry I'm a tad late with this week's "Hard Knocks" review, sports fans. I'm back though. Don't all clap at once. -_-

This week's episode of "Hard Knocks" featured a lot less F-bombs courtesy of coach Rex Ryan and frankly it disappointed me a little bit. After former Indianapolis Colts coach and well renouned classy guy Tony Dungy slammed Ryan for being so crass around his players it was clear the never shy Jets coach was trying to tone it down for the cameras this week.

Dungy expressed great disgust with Ryan stating that he would never hire someone who acted like that in a lockerroom. But to be honest, no disrespect Coach Dungy, but the Jets aren't your team. If that's not how you want to coach your players that's A-OK, but if that's how Ryan gets his team fired up and playing hard then more power to him.

Even with the toned down language this week the episode was still full of classic one liners like Bart Scott saying rookie RB Joe McKnight is just mad he's taking a pay cut by coming to the Jets after leaving the lucrative USC. QB Mark Sanchez talked about his love for all things orange flavored, making the audience realize he really is just a big kid playing in a big league. When one of the Jets punters ordered 100 Shake Weights for the entire team and the players started testing them out on the field, the morning stretching exercises looked even more suspect.

Linebacker turned Defensive End turned NFL Draft Bust Vernon Gholston was featured as well showing his struggles to adjust to a new defensive scheme as he transitioned from Ohio State to the Jets. Gholston seems to finally be getting some fire in his belly though and is starting to get some aggression on the field. We all know the NFL is a grown man's game and if you're out there timid on the field you're going to be going nowhere fast.

@TheDivineMsRoss

The Return of Monday Night Football and of the New York Football Giants

*Cue music*

Da, Da, Da, DAAAAA!

What other theme song can get you as hyped as that of the one for Monday Night Football? It's back ladies and gentleman. The showdown between MY New York Football Giants and the New York Jets marked the first Monday Night Football game of the season. Even if it was just pre-season, the atmosphere in the shiny new Meadowlands Stadium was electric.

Although it was a home game for the Jets, the brazen Giants fans made their presence known as did the Giants themselves, delivering the home team a crushing 31-16 defeat. 

The Jets defense looked rock solid as usual. I mean hey, even I plan on using it for my fantasy team this season. Even they couldn't stop the Giants offense led by a surprising star of the night in undrafted rookie wideout Victor Cruz out of UMass. In one of this two touchdowns, Cruz made a one handed snag from backup QB Jim Sorgi and took it to the house for 64 yards. Not bad for a 1-AA kid from Patterson. If Cruz doesn't get signed the G-Men are doing themselves a real disservice. We all know game situations are twice as fast as practice ones. Three magnificent plays under the bright lights of Monday Night Football while fighting for a place on his first NFL squad? I think this kid is the real deal.

Sorgi stepped in for face of the franchise Eli Manning when he was battered and bloodied after getting a helmet to the face courtesy of Jets defender Jim Leonhard. Manning, in true warrior fashion, trooped off the field and almost looked annoyed that his fresh white jersey had blood spatters on it.

Big Brandon Jacobs also impressed me last night by finally returning to his 2008 Superbowl form and running with some authority. Last season Jacobs appeared to be running scared whenever he touched the ball. In last night's game though he looked like the true powerful back he is. I hope he can keep up this explosiveness into the season. If him and Bradshaw stay healthy I think our backs will be good looks for Eli.

The Giants gave me something to smile about last night after the embarassment that was last season with guys barely looking like they even wanted to be on the field, let alone win. Despite losing key reserve Chase Blackburn to a knee injury, the team looked positive and as a cohesive unit on the field. The new look Giants appeared hungry to get back to the top of the NFC East and that is exactly where they belong.

"Hard Knocks: Training Camp with the NY Jets" Review - Part One

*SPOILER ALERT* Don't read if you don't want to know what happened in this week's episode. I will do a weekly recap of each "Hard Knocks" episode this season.

"Hard Knocks" is one of my favorite shows, sports related or not. I watch every season regardless of who the team is that's featured. Hell, I even watched the multiple "Hard Knocks" on the Dallas Cowgirls... er... Cowboys. This season features my most hated crosstown rival: the New York Jets.

The first episode had so much comedy in it I was forgetting for a moment that I even had a passionate hatred for that other New York team. Head coach Rex Ryan provided much of the humor, constantly cracking jokes and dropping unabashed F-Bombs.

A classic moment came when linebackers coach Jeff Weeks was caught using tanning oil and running shirtless by Ryan. The shirtless running cost Weeks a $5 dollar fine. Ryan has to pay fines of his own whenever he's caught eating a lard laden snack as to hopefully not derail the corpulaent coach from his weight loss goals.

Darrelle Revis' noticeable absence didn't stop "Hard Knocks" from focusing much of the episode on his highly publicized holdout. At first, I completely agreed with Revis request to restructure his contract after having a standout first two years in the NFL. However now after the saga has continued further and further into training camp I have to say he's now erring on the side of selfishness. Revis is requesting a whopping $160 million over 10 years, averaging to $16 million a year which averages to $1 million per game. The Jets offered $12 million a year for 10 years but for Revis a million dollars a month just isn't enough.

I think Revis needs to bite the bullet and get into camp, because as much as it pains me to say this, the Jets are stacked with or without him.

@TheDivineMsRoss

If You Can't Stand the Heat, Get Out of the Kitchen

As soon as LeBron James ripped off his Cleveland Cavs jersey in their Conference Finals loss to Boston's Big Green Machine this year we all knew we were about to enter upon one of the sports media's biggest love fests in recent memory... and we did.

Enter: LeBron-gate. the LeBron saga of would the free agent SF stay loyal to Cleveland or bolt to a bigger market team took over ESPN and virtually every sports media outlet. Everytime LeBron took a piss or took out the trash, rerporters were there chonicling his every move. The LeBron fiasco was almost worse than back to back years of Favre-gate.

When LeBron finally revealed he was going to the Miami Heat along with recent Raptors refugee Chris Bosh in his much contrived hour long special "The Decision" (which aired live on ESPN -_-), the next big question was: OK, now when will they win a championship?

If the Heat don't win a championship in 2011, this entire soap opera of the Heat trying to build their own Big Three like Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Ray Allen did in Boston will be all for nothing. The Celtics Big Three came in an instantaneously won an NBA title that season showing us all that "anything is possible". Since the Heat are mimmicking the Celtics big move from a few years ago, all of America is expecting the same instant results.

The sports media is thirsting and hovering on the edge of their seats waiting to see if the Heat come through with a championship. If they don't, much of the ire will likely be directed at Mr. James himself, who many are already disgusted with after the way he handled his exit in Cleveland which showed a lack of class and loyalty. It's also in question whether a primma donna like LeBron will be able to handle taking a backseat to Heat star Dwyane Wade, who is the captain of that ship.

If the Heat don't produce an NBA title this season they may as well get out of the kitchen because there is going to be a lot of backlash after all of the offseason hooplah surrounding them.

Oh You Fancy Huh?

Hair done, nails done, everything did.

Being a woman might be the best thing ever and being an extremely feminine woman is even better than that. Makeup, sky high heels, push up bras, pedicures, and hair appointmentsare the quintessential necesssities for any femme fatale.

Yet why everyday on social networking sites, lunch breaks, and drunken happy hours are men stating that they don't like women who wear makeup? Do they not know that the likes of Alicia Keys and Christina Milian have a caked on arsenal of product on their faces everytime they're photographed on the red carpet?

Makeup itself is not the enemy, the enemy is the heavy hand who doesn't know how to correctly apply it. Properly applied makeup is only to enhance one's natural beauty, not to mask it. If you don't use proper makeup application techniques you'll end up looking like Crusty the Clown instead of channeling Beyonce.

Here are a few tips to make the most out of your natural beauty with the assistance of makeup:

1. Blend, blend, blend. Your neck should never be a different color than your face. Blend foundation with your fingers or a sponge.

2. When you find a blush color that works perfectly on your skin, stick to it. You don't need a million shades of blush like you do with lipstick or eyeshadow.

3. Don't be afraid of color on your lids. Just make sure the colors compliment your skintone and play up your eyes.

4. Always use concealer under your eyes even if you don't have bags or extremely dark circles. It'll always make you appear more rejuvenated.

5. Using an angled eyebrow shadow brush on your brows will make them nice and defined without the harshness of a pencil. An eyebrow gel brush swept across them will give them a great finish and hold stray hairs in place.

6. A highlight color on the brow bone (the area right underneath your eyebrow) will give your eyes a finished look. Highlight colors are usually shimmery and are a shade or two lighter than your skintone.

7. I also love to use a highlight color on the tear duct area on the inside of your eyes. This opens up your eyes and really makes them pop.

8. Since we all love a nice summer tan it's smart to get both a winter and summer foundation since your skintone does change throughout the year.

9. Don't be too heavy with eyeliner during the day. Daytime eyeliner should only be used in the waterline on your lower lid to give your eyes a softer frame.

10. Have fun with makeup! If you're not good at it, grab some issues of Vogue and try to copy the looks that you see in the magazine. I'm self taught and the only way I learned was through practice.

@TheDivineMsRoss

The Unfortunate Phenomenon that is #TheThirst

We've all been there. We're sitting in our cubicles at work or struggling to stay awake in class and we hear our phone vibrate. A tiny rush of excitement runs through our bodies when we see we've gotten a new text.

"Hey stranger. Why don't you ever hit me up anymore?"

You let out a silent groan for this is yet another text from the person who just doesn't understand that you're not interested. The person who I've not so politely dubbed #TheThirst.

#TheThirst can be anyone interested in you with the potential to develop into a Stage 5 Clinger and can strike at anytime. What #TheThirst fails to comprehend is that you're just simply not interested in them. No matter how many times you've tried to reiterate this fact, they keep coming back like a Kat Stacks herpes outbreak.

There are some classic warning signs that someone infatuated you might be #TheThirst:

1) They hit you with the "hey stranger" text. This should never be used. Not even in a joking way.

2) They ask who every opposite sex person is who has ever written on your wall and automatically assume you took them down last night.

3) They comment on Facebook pictures from 2007 in 2010.

4) As soon as your Facebook chat window opens there #TheThirst is with an instantaneous message.

5) #TheThirst just so happens to show up to the club that you tweeted you were going to be at tonight.

6) They constantly refer to the two of you's future even though you've chilled twice.

7) They call you multiple times in a row even after you didn't answer the first time. And left a voicemail. Then texted you.

8) If you tell them you're taken #TheThirst will try to ask what does your relationship have to do with them.

9) They've ever offered to drink your bath water. I mean hey, they're thirsty.

10) They'll try to cuff you in ANY public setting. No synagogue, baby shower, or funeral is safe.

There really is no cure to get rid of #TheThirst. Offering them a Dasani or a Gatorade only momentarily bruises their ego but they always seem to be ready and willing to come back for yet another rejection.

If you ever feel yourself slipping into #Thirst mode, stop yourself. Do you really want to end up as the next trending topic on Twitter? No matter how much you like someone please.... keep your dignity.

Stay thirsty my friends.

Revis Island... Population: One

     Revis Island is the place where complete passes go to die. Saying Jets CB Darrelle Revis is a beast on the defensive end of the ball is a gross understatement to say the least. Since joining the Jets as a first round selection in 2007, Revis has more than held up his end of the bargain that comes with putting all of a team’s faith in a top draft pick. He has been a two-time Pro Bowler, an All-Pro selection, and the NFL defensive player of the year last season to top all that off. Revis is the absolute epitome of a complete lockdown corner and is the best CB in the game right now.
     So why is Darrelle Revis not getting the financial respect he deserves?

     After three days of training camp Revis is still a no-show after continued contract disputes with the Jets. Revis’ rookie contract is a 6 year deal worth $30 million with a guaranteed $11 million. $5 million dollars a year certainly isn’t minimum wage but for the best CB in the game? In the words of Chad OchoCinco… “Child please”. Raiders star CB Nnamdi Asomugha’s extension with the team has him making $45.3 million over 3 years. Meanwhile only $1 million is set to get delivered to Revis Island this season. The gap between the two players’ salaries is drastic.

     Now are we looking at Revis as Michael Crabtree 2.0? No, because Revis has already clearly gone above and beyond proving himself on the field. Titans star RB Chris Johnson reported to camp after contract disputes all spring with the organization. After CJ2K ran for an astounding 2,006 yards last season you would think the Titans would be more than happy to give their offensive juggernaut the money he deserves. The fact that there was even a tug of war over his contract was ridiculous to say the least.

     Normally I attest player holdouts to them being selfish cry babies who need to get on the field and start studying their playbook. In Revis’ and Johnson’s case I have to agree that these players, who’s fantastic play has carried a lot of their teams weight, are rightfully entitled to a significant raise. Why are owners so quick to give first round rookies insanely bloated salaries (like Sam Bradford for $50 million guaranteed) when they have yet to even see an NFL snap let alone get the numbers and accolades like Revis and Johnson have? I think the owners are a bit confused and need to reverse their train of thought when it comes to paying players who deserve it.

Fat Albert: Spreadin' Like Butter

     What would you say to a Washington Redskins fan right now? I mean, being a 'Skins fan is hard as it is. All the young talent in the world but they just can't ever seem to put a solid team together. At least in recent memory.
     Enter Albert Haynesworth. This 6'6 350 pound defensive man beast was supposed to be the Redskins' saving grace after being signed before the 2009 season when he parted ways with the Tenessee Titans. Unfortunately it seems all Big Al is saving lately is his spare change to hit up the late night Dollar Menu. Not that he's hurting for money after the 'Skins inked an unheard of 7 year, 100 million dollar contract with a man who never even seems to be in the physical condition of a professional football player.
     Two-a-days are upon the Redskins as they make their way through training camp under the guidance of new coach Mike Shanahan. After failing his physical test on more than one occasion, Haynesworth hasn't even made it onto the field.
     You have to ask yourself: how does an athlete worth 100 million dollars come to training camp completely unprepared and grossly out of shape? What was he doing in the off-season when his counterparts were slaving in the weight room and passing on filet mingon in exchange for grilled salmon?
     Haynesworth's complete lack of appreciation to the Redskins organization and dedication to the game of football is disheartening. What type of message does this send to his teammates when one of the faces of the franchise is treating the upcoming season like it's a game of Madden? Haynesworth should be acting as a clear cut leader on and off the field and that includes taking conditioning and strength training seriously.
     Fat Albert's battle of the bulge has been a huge distraction for the Redskins already and camp has just barely gotten underway. Instead of talking about their quest to have a winning season, Mike Shanahan and Co. are fielding questions about why their star player can't even pass a standard physical. This ladies and gentleman, is a selfish move by an overpaid player who the Redskins organization are likely kicking themselves for placing their bets on.